People Pleaser... Good or Bad?

So it's Computer class. I was known to be the most genius one in computers. I'd help most classmates to get their work done. However. I'd help too much, my own work wasn't finished, lesser free time, and sometimes couldn't help their work but I'd chose to anyways. 

As I scroll thru reels at night, I've learned this thing called People pleaser, which means in my own words, the person who would help people without minding their own business. I wasn't sure about that definition, so I asked ChatGPT about what a people pleaser means. Which is someone who habitually puts other people’s needs, approval, or comfort ahead of their own, often to avoid conflict, rejection, or disappointing others. 

Now in this case in Computer classes, I guess I am a people pleaser... 

Don't get me wrong. I am willing to help others cuz I'm a nice guy. Why am I nice? Cuz I'm... lonely??? You mates gonna be probably be wondering why am I still feeling lonely when you have family and friends. Yeah same. I don't get it. Why am I still feeling lonely? So.. anyways... I asked ChatGPT about the pros and cons of being a people pleaser, which is:

Pros of being a people pleaser

Some traits connected to people pleasing can genuinely be positive in moderation:

• Kind and supportive — often attentive to others’ emotions and needs
• Good at cooperation — helps maintain teamwork and harmony
• Empathetic — can understand how others feel
• Reliable and helpful — people may trust you to follow through
• Good social awareness — often sensitive to moods and conflict
• Can build connections easily — especially in new groups or friendships

Cons of being a people pleaser

The downside is when pleasing others becomes automatic or excessive:

• Difficulty saying no — leading to overload and stress
• Burnout — constantly giving energy without recharging
• Weak boundaries — others may take advantage of your willingness
• Resentment — helping others while secretly feeling unhappy about it
• Loss of identity — focusing so much on others that you stop knowing what you want
• Fear of conflict — avoiding honest conversations
• Low self-worth tied to approval — feeling valuable only when others are happy with you
• Attracting unhealthy relationships — some people exploit over-giving behavior

And that's what ChatGPT said. Now in this Computer class scenario, I'm sure classmates were nice and not that "cruel" as what ChatGPT thought. So people taking advantage or exploit won't exist in this school, right??

FYI, I'm not afraid to say no unless it's my really close friend. For others, including my parents, I would get slimed for saying no. Cuz I'm sure they understand me, and I understand them. So saying no isn't a difficult option. Now in families, saying no is a big no cuz they thought you're a disgrace to their family. And in others if you want to build new connections you have to try hard to earn them so saying no is a big risk. I remember when I was being me for too much I almost lose a friend for being weird, to this day I'd think sharing my music taste is a big risk to them cuz I would completely lose them again.

I also asked ChatGPT what are the reasons of becoming a people pleaser. Here it is:

• Wanting approval or acceptance – They may feel valued only when others like them or praise them.

• Fear of conflict – Saying "yes" can seem easier than risking an argument, disappointment, or rejection.

• Childhood experiences – Growing up in an environment where they were rewarded for being compliant, helpful, or "the good kid" can teach them to prioritize others' needs.

• Low self-esteem – They may believe their own needs are less important than everyone else's.

• Anxiety – Worrying excessively about what others think can make it difficult to say no.

• Responsibility for others' emotions – Some people feel they must keep everyone happy, even though that's not actually their responsibility.

• Past rejection or criticism – If someone was frequently criticized or abandoned, they may try to prevent that from happening again by accommodating others.

People pleasing isn't always bad. Being kind, considerate, and helpful are positive traits. The problem arises when a person:

• Constantly says yes when they want to say no.

• Feels guilty for setting boundaries.

• Neglects their own needs and well-being.

• Bases their self-worth on others' approval.

Interestingly, many people pleasers don't do it because they are naturally selfless. Often, they're trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings such as guilt, anxiety, conflict, or rejection.

A healthy balance is being kind to others without sacrificing yourself. You can care about people's feelings while still having boundaries and expressing your own needs.

So is being a people pleaser good or bad? The answer is both. Good for lowering down ego, bad for your self-esteem. If you for example, have a crush on somebody, and in this opportunity that crush asked for your help, you should help them. However, if the connections were not developing, just give up bro... I mean, there's plenty of other nice people, you can try again in another time, i guess...

Well... Someone I knew must've been a people pleaser and meets those criteria. Yeah, me too, buddy, me too. And I'm curious about it you know. SO I asked ChatGPT again.

If your friend is a people pleaser, the best approach is usually to be supportive rather than trying to "fix" them.

Some things that can help:

• Respect their boundaries when they set them. If they say no to something, don't pressure them or make them justify it.

• Check whether they really want something. People pleasers sometimes agree automatically. You can ask, "Are you sure that's what you want?" or "It's okay if you'd rather not."

• Don't take their people-pleasing personally. If they seem to change their opinions depending on who they're with, it may come from anxiety or a desire to avoid conflict rather than dishonesty.

• Encourage honesty. Let them know you value their real thoughts, even if they disagree with you.

• Notice when they're overextending themselves. If they're taking on too much, gently point it out: "You've been helping everyone lately—have you had time for yourself?"

• Be a safe person to disappoint. If they tell you no, respond calmly. This teaches them that your friendship won't fall apart because of a disagreement or boundary.

For example, if you ask a people-pleasing friend to hang out and they say yes, but seem hesitant, you might say:

"You don't have to come if you're tired. I'd rather you be honest than force yourself."

That kind of response can reduce the pressure they feel to make everyone happy.

One thing to avoid is constantly calling them a "people pleaser" or criticizing them for it. Many people pleasers already worry a lot about letting others down. They usually benefit more from having friends who make it safe to be authentic than from being repeatedly told they need to change.

So... It's not bad of being a people pleaser. Stay kind, and don't forget to set boundaries.