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Alone....

 Sorry if this entire blog is about me and relationships, or companionship. Really am I that obsessed to that only topic. Now into the topic. I feel like I'm going crazy, insane, to the point that i need to see a therapist (even i read it like the rapist). These lonely feelings every Friday night are driving me crazy, as if I'm addicted to companionships. Ever since I was a kid, I was lonely. I made friends with the blue elephant and pillows. We had fun together when we went to sleep.  It's grade 3. I don't really have a single friend. Well there's another lonely guy like me but I'm too shy to interact that time. At this point I got kicked out from a friend group due to a drama I caused. And just like that I was alone. I really hate breaks at school that year because I had to sit down with someone which they don't want me to sit with them. In grade 5 someone added me to a friend group then kicked me out because I don't fit in the group.  So, now you know...
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Friendship is a Competition

Friendship is like romance for singles. They compete to have a best friend, because best friends are only considered to be only one. Every time someone interacts with my friend better than me, I feel jealous. The battle has begun. The struggle of keeping friendship together... I don't wanna lose one again. I don't wanna get stuck in a loop again. Friendship breakups were the scariest than a normal relationship breakup. Because it happened without a statement like "I wanna break up". It happens slowly as he slowly departs from me. It feels like he's cheating on me. So I should win this competition, but I knew I ain't gonna win this competition. Cuz I'm weak. I'm no better than him and somebody that interacts with him. I got used to holding in too much.

ifuckyou

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The Start of Journaling

 Since my posts were getting personal on this blog, I decided to get a notebook and start journaling as if it was a diary. It doesn't have to start with "Dear Diary". Hope it doesn't get abandoned. ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...

Just Smiling

The Return of 2000s Tech and Earlier?

 Lately, people have been switching back to wired earphones, Spotify to MP3s or CDs, new iPhones to Nokia flip phones,  Samsung Galaxy S26 to Samsung Galaxy S5, DSLR cameras to film cameras, iPhone camera to digicams. MP4s to MiniDVs, Video8, or VHS, Windows 11 to Windows XP, Minimalism to art, etc. It's like they want to time travel back to the past. It also a movement to bring back obsolete tech and fight for planned obsolescence. This is also great because I think it would bring back offline music stores that sell CDs.

Feeling sad, just for their attention?

 At night, I always imagine fake bittersweet scenarios just to sleep, and my social media just so happened to read my mind that hour. For example, I need a hug, hangout, mental awareness, etc. And I only think of that one single person, maybe my crush for example, would notice me. Now what if instead of a crush, someone I don't find interesting, including my current friends noticed it? Would that be not intimate? This isn't about romance. It's all about relationships, especially on friendships. I always feel like not having friends even though I already have. I always get jealous if my friends were hanging out with other friends instead of me. And that's how that feeling came. Friends these days feel so fake, really fake, until negative comments feel real and honest. Like I would want to get roasted for ugly face and big ass. They were painful, but it's honest. It's like Stairway to Heaven and Highway to Hell.  These feelings were like forcing me to want to have...